Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing. I don’t feel like doing much of anything at all.
It can be really hard when life keeps taking turns on you.
I left my amazing personal training job to go backpacking – because I made a commitment to myself that it was something I would do. That didn’t work out for me. And so after 3 months I came home.
I started an online freelancing career, though I enjoy it, I can tell already it’s a slow process of gradual improvement.
I got a job back in the fitness industry, and quickly that did not work out.
So, I officially decided to move to BC, something I’ve also always wanted to do. As you can imagine, as soon as I made a move in that direction, it quickly did not work out either.
The Universe won’t let me take the wrong step, or move in the wrong direction for too long.
I said this year would be my year, but on paper you might not think so.
It’s been difficult, to say the least, trying to figure out what to do. The more things I try, the less things seem to work out. I have a feeling that’s kind of how life is. Especially when you’re not willing to settle, you’ve got big goals, and you put yourself out there.
But this year hasn’t been a failure. The real lesson, one of the many I am learning, is that success is not a dollar value, hours worked, or achievements earned. I’ve tried so many things this year, learned so much about myself, and continue to uncover more and more on what I am passionate about. I stayed motivated, even when things didn’t go my way. I remained positive despite all the setbacks. And I am trusting, slowly, the process that is going to take me where I’m supposed to be. As a person I think I’ve done more growing in the past 6 months than I have in the past 6 years. I feel like a new person, a better person, and I don’t think anything could take that away from me.
It’s hard to watch people do the things you wish you were doing. It’s hard to make tough choices, end relationships, admit defeat, move on. It’s unbelievably hard and incredible uncomfortable to grow.
If I ever appear to look like I have everything together, I don’t.